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Most custody cases do not go to trial. In San Diego, parents usually go to mediation first, and many parents reach an agreement there. But if you cannot agree, your case may go before a judge.
A custody trial can feel very different from the earlier steps in your case. You will need to explain what you want and show why you believe it is best for your child. The court will look at the facts, the child’s needs, and the role each parent plays in the child’s life.
Good preparation starts before you enter the courtroom. Knowing what to expect, keeping your records in order, and being ready to explain your custody plan can help you present your case clearly.
Under California Family Code section 3011, the court looks at the child’s health, safety, and well-being. The court can also look at abuse, drug or alcohol problems, and the child’s relationship with each parent.
Family Code section 3020 also says that the child’s health, safety, and well-being come first. Section 3040 tells the court what types of custody orders it can make.
The judge is not there to decide which parent was right or wrong in the marriage. The judge wants to know what plan is best for the child.
The strongest evidence focuses on the child’s life, not the parents’ past relationship.
School, doctor visits, activities, and daily care can show how each parent cares for the child.
In some cases, the court may order a custody evaluation. An evaluator learns about the family and gives the court information about the case.
Under Family Code section 3111, the court can choose a person to do the evaluation. The evaluator may talk to both parents, meet with the children, and talk to people who know the family.
Teachers, doctors, therapists, and others who know the child may also give information.
The evaluator may look at court records and other facts about the family.
Be honest with the evaluator. Give them the names of people who know how you care for your child. Keep your answers focused on your child, not complaints about the other parent.
Bring records that show how you care for your child and why your custody plan makes sense.
|
What to show |
Helpful records |
| Your role | School records, doctor visits, activity schedules |
| Messages | Calm and clear texts and emails |
| Your child’s needs | Medical, therapy, or school records |
| Stable home life | Your home, work hours, and daily schedule |
| Safety issues | Records of events that really happened |
| Other people | Teachers, doctors, coaches, or family members |
Your texts and emails can also be used in court. Read them before trial, especially if you and the other parent have had many arguments.
Angry messages and claims you cannot prove can hurt your case. Your own messages can become evidence too.
Keep your records in one place so they are easy to find. Your lawyer can help you decide which records and people are useful for your case.
California requires parents to go through child custody mediation before a contested custody hearing. Mediation gives parents a chance to agree without having a judge decide every issue. Many custody cases end this way.
If you do not reach an agreement, mediation can still help you see what issues need to be decided in court. Know what custody plan you want and why you think it is good for your child.
For more information, see our overview of child custody in California.
If your child is old enough and mature enough, the court may consider their wishes when making a custody decision.
It can, especially if the behavior affects the child’s safety, home life, or care. The court looks at how the situation affects the child.
The judge can approve your agreement and add it to the custody order. Reaching an agreement can help you avoid going through a full trial.
A custody order can be changed if something important has changed. See our page on modifying custody and support orders to learn more.
A custody trial is not about showing that one parent is better. The judge needs to see what the child needs and why your plan is a good fit.
Keep your records in order and stay focused on your child’s daily life. Start preparing before trial, including during mediation.
Steven M. Bishop is a certified family law specialist through the California Board of Legal Specialization and has practiced family law in San Diego for more than four decades. Contact Steven M. Bishop to discuss your child custody case.
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