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Child custody disputes are among the most difficult experiences parents face during separation or divorce. In California, courts encourage resolving these matters through mediation before a judge intervenes.
For San Diego families, this typically involves Family Court Services (FCS) mediation, a process that keeps the child’s well-being at the center while limiting conflict. This guide explains how mediation works in California, what makes San Diego’s system unique, and provides practical tips to prepare effectively.
Mediation is a structured process in which parents meet with a neutral mediator to agree on custody and visitation arrangements. The goal is to create a parenting plan that meets the child’s emotional, educational, and physical needs.
Custody in California comes in two forms. Legal custody refers to the right to make decisions about the child’s health, education, and welfare. Physical custody relates to where the child lives and how parenting time is shared.
Under California Family Code §3170, parents must participate in mediation before the court makes custody orders.’ This law makes custody mediation a mandatory step before a hearing. Mediation provides parents a chance to collaborate rather than letting a judge decide for them. The best interests of the child guide the entire process, a legal standard that ensures the child’s safety and welfare come first.”
San Diego operates a system called Family Court Services (FCS). Unlike many other counties, San Diego is a “recommending county.” This means that if parents cannot agree in mediation, the mediator may submit written recommendations to the judge.
“San Diego County follows a recommending mediation model, meaning mediators can submit recommendations to the judge if no agreement is reached (Family Code §3183).”
Before attending FCS mediation, parents must watch an orientation video provided by the court and complete the FCS-002 data sheet. Sessions usually last between 90 minutes and 2.5 hours, depending on the complexity of the issues. The orientation video and local court rules can be accessed through the San Diego Superior Court’s Family Court Services page.
Preparation is key. Parents should bring clear proposals and supporting documents. Bring multiple parenting plan schedules to show flexibility. Popular structures include 2-2-3, 2-2-5-5, or week-on/week-off plans. This demonstrates your willingness to adapt for the child’s benefit.
Supporting documents such as school calendars, medical needs, work schedules, or childcare arrangements help demonstrate how your plan supports the child’s routine. Visual tools like printed calendars or charts also help explain proposals clearly. This preparation not only helps the mediator understand your position but also shows you are focused on solutions, not arguments.
Communication matters as much as the proposals themselves. Mediators value cooperation and a child-centered approach. Avoid criticizing the other parent; use ‘I’ statements to express concerns regarding the child. For instance, say ‘I believe this schedule supports homework and bedtime routines’ rather than pointing out faults.
Active listening and acknowledging the other parent’s concerns build credibility. Mediators value openness over rigidity. Plans should consider the child’s age: infants need shorter transitions, while older children can handle week-long schedules.
“All custody decisions in California are guided by the child’s best interests, considering health, safety, and welfare.”
Maintaining this focus throughout the session increases the chance of finding common ground.
Not every case can be handled in the same room. If there are concerns about domestic violence or safety, California courts allow parents to request individual sessions or staggered arrival times.
“California courts provide safety accommodations for custody mediation, including separate sessions or additional security where needed.”
Parents dealing with high-conflict situations or children with special needs should also raise these issues during mediation. The mediator can help adjust the process to ensure that the child’s safety and unique needs remain the priority.
Mediation does not always result in an agreement. If parents cannot agree, the mediator may submit a written recommendation to the judge. This document is not confidential and may influence the court’s decision.
Parents who want a confidential process sometimes turn to private mediation. Unlike FCS mediation, private mediation keeps discussions private and can move at the family’s pace. However, any agreements reached must still be approved by the court to become legally enforceable.
“Parents may choose private mediation for confidentiality, but court approval is required to make agreements binding.”
Understanding these options helps parents prepare for what happens after the session and ensures they know how to move forward, whether an agreement is reached or not.
|
Schedule Type |
Structure |
When It Works Best |
| 2-2-3 | Child alternates 2 days with one parent, 2 with the other, then 3 with first parent | Younger children needing frequent contact |
| 2-2-5-5 | Child spends 2 days with each parent, then 5 days with each | School-age children needing routine |
| Week-on/Week-off | Alternates full weeks | Older children, teens, or long-distance parents |
Yes. Mediation is required under Family Code §3170 before custody or visitation orders are issued.
San Diego is a recommended county, so mediators can submit recommendations to the court if parents cannot agree.
Parents should bring proposed parenting schedules, school and work calendars, medical details, and at least two alternative custody plans.
Yes. Courts allow accommodations like separate sessions or additional security for parents with safety or domestic violence concerns.
The mediator may submit a written recommendation to the judge, and parents may then present arguments at a court hearing.
Yes. Private mediation is confidential, but court approval is still required to make agreements enforceable.
Child custody mediation in California is designed to help parents resolve disputes without the stress of a courtroom battle. For families in San Diego, the process through Family Court Services is mandatory and may include written recommendations if no agreement is reached.
Parents who prepare carefully, focus on the child’s needs, and communicate respectfully increase their chances of success. Private mediation can offer additional flexibility when appropriate
The Law Offices of Steven M. Bishop has experience guiding San Diego parents through the custody mediation process. With thoughtful preparation and the right approach, parents can create workable custody plans that support their child’s future.
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